Muggles
by Muffins-Weasley
Summary: What would it be like if Harry and co never found out they were magic? Harry's in jail due to a 'misunderstanding', Ron spends his time reading the news in the attic, Hermione went to Yale to be a dentist, and Malfoy's father is in the mafia! R & R!
1. Chapter 1: The Socially Awkward Shut In

Chapter 1: The Socially Awkward Shut In

The pale, spidery thin man ran his hair through his greasy black hair. The eighteen he had been shut in the closet under the stairs at his aunt and uncle's house had not treated him well. Instead of filling out during puberty like most average teenagers, the man had been feed only the scraps of the fat family's meal. He hadn't been encouraged to pursue his higher dreams of actually being someone, and that was how he found himself here, driving the dump truck down the street he once lived on.

Bob got in the passenger seat. "'Right, Harry, tha's all o' them." Harry made a sound and nodded, and started driving to the next street they had marked on their route. "'Hey, Harry, do you mind me asking a question…?" Harry shook his head.

"N…no."

"'Ave you ever been out on a date with a nice lass?" Harry's tongue tripped over his words as he tried to answer.

"N…no… Girls don't… don't generally…rally take an in…interest in me… You know… They like th…the guys with big…big m…"

"Dicks?"

"Muscles…"

"Oh…" After that, the rest of the ride was spent in awkward silence.

When Harry got home, he went up to his room. There, he changed into his normal, everyday clothes; a baggy shirt, old, faded jeans. He sat down on the gross, green-brown couch in his apartment, and turned on the television. When his phone rang, he hesitated answering it or not, then picked it up.

"Harry… Hey…" It was his old pal, Ronald. "You want to come over? I… I got the newest issue of the news paper. I figured, you know, we could read it together…" Harry looked up at his television.

"My shows on, R…Ron… Maybe… Some other time…"

"Oh, right, Meerkat Manor… Right… Well… Some other time…"

"Bye Ron…"

"Bye." Harry watched the rerun of the dramatic animal planet show. When it was over, Harry noticed the sound of children. He looked out the window of his apartment down to the playground. There was Franklin and Marie, the children of the woman Harry's age who lived down the street. Her name was Hermione. She was nice, and smart. Harry wished he could really consider her a friend. Then he heard a knock on the door. He watched the door, and it opened. A young red head woman stepped into the room, accompanied by another two young women.

"Oh… You're still here…"

"Ginny, this is… is my house… Of course I… I'm still here…" The red head looked to one of her 'friends' and pushed her towards him. The young Asian looked at Harry and crinkled her nose.

"Cho, why don't you go take Harry on a little date…?"

"I don't want to take him! He's ugly and looks like he hasn't seen a shower in weeks!"

"It's okay…" Harry said, edging toward the door. "I… I'll just leave…"

"Good." Ginny said, flipping her hair back. As soon Harry went down the stairs, he wondered how his friend's younger sister had become such a bitch. He sighed as he stepped out into the sun. The fresh air smelled like cut grass, and children. Yes, Harry knew children had a distinct scent. He had been child-watching for quite a long time now. It was better than people-watching, as children didn't have huge political debates. As he sat on the bench, the children gave him a weird look and edged away. Within ten minutes, two police officers came up to him.

"Whatcha doing on a day like today?" One asked. Harry shrugged.

"You're going to have to leave now, sir. You're disturbing the parents, and the children."

"I… I'm not doing anything wr…wrong…"

"Please, sir. We don't have to want to take you in."

"But, really… I… I'm just…"

"Alright. Stand up, hands over your head." And that was how Harry ended up being taken in for pedophilism.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the first instalment of this... weird... series! Here's a preview of the next chapter:

"_Malfoy snapped his fingers at the girl. 'Don't make me sic my father's mafia on you, bitch.' The girl flipped her red hair._

_'As if you'd even try.'_

_'I will if you don't do your job!' The blonde yelled."_

What? Malfoy's father has/is in the mafia?! And who and what is the 'job'?! Find out in chapter 2: The Son of the British Mafia!


	2. Chapter 2: The Son of the British Mafia

Chapter 2: The Son of the British Mafia

Draco walked around swinging his father's cane, which had a silver, snake-head shaped end. He felt so much more powerful with the cane, and enjoyed calling it a 'pimp cane'. Even though they were supposed to be respectful towards women. Draco shrugged at the thought and sat down, waiting for his 'appointment'. It seemed like as soon as he sat down, the red head walked in, scantily clad as always. "What took you so long?" The Mafioso-in-training asked. The girl rolled her eyes at him.

"I was _out_, having _fun_ with my _friends_."

"Right… Do you have the money from these 'friends'?" She gave him a look and sighed irritatedly. Malfoy snapped his fingers at the girl. "Don't make me sic my father's mafia on you, bitch." The girl flipped her red hair.

"As if you'd even try."

"I will if you don't do your job!" The blonde yelled. The girl laughed and started out the door. Malfoy let out an angered sound.

"Oh, you have company, by the way," The girl called, then left. Malfoy stood up and stormed into the living room, angered by who in their right mind would bother him at the moment. He was just about to shout at the intruders when he realized who they were.

"That was a very interesting conversation, Draco!" The younger of the two brothers, Veneziano, shouted happily.

"Yes, indeed it was…" The older, Romano, agreed. Malfoy swallowed hard. "You do remember what we told you _last_ _time_ when something like this came up, don't you?"

"Ah..ah… S…Si, Romano and Veneziano…" Draco stuttered nervously.

"I think Draco needs another lesson!" Veneziano shouted, looking at his brother.

"Si," The older agreed. Draco immediately knew he was in trouble. He glanced all over the room for a route of escape. "Don't even try, Draco. You remember last time you resisted…" Draco swallowed hard as a lump formed in his throat, and mentally prepared himself for the beating that would be coming. "We'll go easy on you. After all, you're still part of Capo Familiga…"

* * *

Ha, I don't expect many to get it, but Veneziano is N. Italy and Romano is S. Italy, as in from "Axis Powers Hetalia". This comes after my friend made me read a fic she found called "If You'd Kill For Them, They're Family". As France, I am now scared of N. Italy...

~ M-W


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